The Gang of American Colony- The Beginning of Misadventures

Hard Shit Detective Agency:

Because truth shits harder than a mere doubt.

Contact: Princi- 75643-82345

“Hard shit? What the....Did u see what they printed? Baal dekha nahi tum?” Prince came running and shouting inside the 6X8 room holding a newspaper in his hand, where his friends Bihari and Roy were already reading the same article. Prince was convinced that it was a big blow to his charmer image. He did not want any girl on his ‘friend list’ to read it.

Prince was a self proclaimed Abhimanyu, in his case it was flirting that he thought he learnt when he was in his mummy’s tummy. Prince used to stay busy liking and commenting on girls’ photos and in free time he would give exams for the distant MBA program that he was pursuing from Sikkim Manipal University. Today he was wearing his favorite kurta over his ‘branded Levi’s’ jeans. He wanted his friends (girls on facebook) to know him as this modern guy who is an ethnic Bengali at heart.

“Ae ae Shuorer baccha!! Paisa tumhara baap diya tha? Matha gorom mat kar” Fought back Bihari baba. Originally born with the name of Amritangshu Bhattacherjee, was called Bihari baba for his mom who allegedly tried to elope with her Bihari doodhwala. Bihari, their fat betel chewing red teeth friend was a self proclaimed Bob Marley bhakt, grass was his staple diet and he wanted everyone to call him chota Marley but alas! There were stories and much speculation about what he was studying and what was his qualification. He told everyone that he had done engineering but there were rumors of him discontinuing school. Roy and prince never cared or asked him.

“Aur han billa, hamara naam prince hai princi nahi!, mera izzat maar diya tum!” Prince still holding the newspaper article in his hand and staring at it in shock!

“Next time we will publish in that magazine bey baal...jaha par gupt rogon ke visheshgya Dr. Gupta, kya aap apney yonsambhandic jiban se santusht hai jaise Ads aatey hai! Kya naam hai baal uss magazine ka? Maaka orom manusher-e detective agency beshi lagey. They can’t satisfy their women on bed and their women go on to have affairs with the doodhwala” Roy said, as he looked and gave a sly smile to Bihari

“Oi Roy last warning de raha hai…hamara maa ka bare mein kuch bola na joota khol ke maarega” replied Bihari.

“I say use fb” interrupted Prince.

“ef bee??” enquired Roy.

“Baal facebook!! Fb nahi janta hai yeh . Shala blue film ko BF bolta hai yeh janta hai but facebook ko Fb bolta yeh nahi janta hai yeh Billa” said Bihari still angry with him for his doodhwala comment.

“Samjha! Dealing mat do. What is your plan?” asked Roy.

The old garage at Roy’s house in American colony was made the office of their newly opened detective agency. They had named it ‘hard hit detective agency’. The garage was creaky and had big patches on the faded green walls. Mr. Roy, father of Chiranjit Roy was more than happy to give his unused garage to his only son, who was pretty wasted for almost a year without job after his BBA degree from Bangalore. Roy born with rather no ambition was brought up by enthusiastic Bengali parents who sent him for every kind of coaching ranging from Tabla to Cricket, from singing to art classes; sadly Roy was no good with anything. For the agency also he volunteered half heartedly.

“So we will make a page on FB mane like most of the famous people. We will share videos, pictures, notes etc for our page’s promotion and in this way we can reach to a maximum number of customers.” Clarified Bihari.

“Idea ta tamam bey. How are you still unemployed?” said Prince, congratulating Bihari

“Shob kismot bujli..shob kismot! Nahi toh mera jaisa boy who is so versatile in every damn thing is still unemployed.” Loftily said Bihari.

“Anyone Home?” They heard a voice, soon they saw a figure emerging, and he looked as if he were coming straight from a rock concert on VH1, which Bihari used to watch regularly.

“Oye Prince, customer bey!” Whispered Roy in disbelief

“Hey! Are you guys spies?? Like real professional spies??” asked Bedant pointing a finger at the trio.

Bedant, came in wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt and a ¾ quarter pant. His long locks made him look grungy as if he hasn’t taken bath for quite some time.

The trio jumped from their places in excitement and Prince said “yes sir we are private detectives, the most professional private detectives in town. We investigate everything from a lost pin to a lost girlfriend. Everything sir! What do you want us to find for you??” There was silence inside the room, Bedant looked sad and was not replying, Bihari interrupted “Sir, chai khaabo sir?”

“I want peace, can you guys find that for me?” Bedant replied adjusting his long locks, the trio from American colony had no idea what to say, they had read a lot of Sherlock Holmes, Feluda and Byomkesh Bakshi before starting the agency but no book was helping them now but still Roy replied “We will sir, tell us what happened?”

“My girl I believe is having a relationship with someone else” said Bedant looking lost and staring the ugly patches on the wall. “Sir, we are planning to paint it this puja, you are married sir?” asked Roy.

“Gadho neki bey kela toi? Tema Gorom nokor” fired back Bedant.

“Sir, please don’t heed to him. He is new in the agency. Do you have her latest photo?” asked Prince trying to pacify. “Yeah I have.” Bedant said as he reached for the photo in his wallet and handed over it to Prince.

“Sir, we need you to fill up this form, just a formality.” Asked Prince.

“I read in the newspaper that you guys charge 3000 and 1000 as advance, here is 3000” Bedant throwing a bundle of notes on to the table, “I will give you another 5,000, just get me a photo of that whore with her new boy friend.” Bedant said rubbing his nose. The trio exchanged happy glances, 3000/- was a big sum of money for them; it meant a month long supply of Alcohol, weed (for Bihari) and pork momos. It meant now they can finally edit the ‘works at’ section on their facebook profiles. Bedant stood up to leave just when Prince interrupted “Sir, it’s not shit its hit! The Ad…..”

“Janu bey baal, doesn’t matter just get me something ok, kiba solid aanibi!” demanded Bedant.

“Yes sir”, the trio replied in unison.

Bedant left and the trio looked at the photo of the girl, Roy was quick to comment “hot maal kintu?” to which Bihari replied “Oye billa be professional! Bring the form”. The trio read the form to discover that Bedant was the lead guitarist of a local rock band called 'Bicycle Stand' in Guwahati and was dating Shreya Deb for the last 6 years. That meant she was in High school when they started going out. The form also stated that Shreya was a lunatic and also showed signs of split personality and that she was under the medical supervision of her family psychiatrist (whatever that meant).

“We can’t just trust what Bedant says, she looks like a you know a good girl, a nice girl” prince said and hoped the other two will agree, instead Bihari replied “Don’t jump on conclusions, let us just start our investigation and have zero pre-notion about anyone, tu kya bolta hai Roy?” to which Roy replied, still looking at her photo “ki maal bey!”

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Visit this blog space to find out how the dumb trio proceeds with the case, is the girl guilty? Or is Bedant lying? Or will our heroes fall for the pretty Shreya. Be with our American Colony heroes as they embark on this journey filled with twists and turns.

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We would like to thank everyone who painstakingly read the initial drafts and suggested us essential changes.

Sketches By- Shubhadeep Sengupta

Written By- Varun Varghese & Shubhadeep Sengupta

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