Ra-One- An over-budgeted home movie.

One fine Sunday morning you wake up and think let’s make a superhero movie stuffed with SFX, VFX, CGI and release it in 3D. Ra-One is one such nightmare. It is a badly conceptualised wannabe Hollywood movie with a defective screenplay and no logical writing sense at all. Forget about how Ra-One was conceived (a badly programmed AI they say, and we tend to understand.), but there were certain scenes where you scratch your head thinking how this happened? Shouldn’t the writer have explained it a bit more? When you have a star like Sharukh in a film you don’t expect punches like Condom Condom as in Kunjam Kunjam in Tamil. They were not funny at all. It was occasionally good with some decent scenes (thanks to the FX) otherwise it consisted with some confusing fillers with cheap comedy, unjustified emotional scenes, making dumb lines sound heavy and flying cars instead of hitting the villain.

The movie was an amalgamation of perhaps all the superhero movies mixed in (Ra) one. From Ironman, the suit and the glowing heart as they would say HART with some forced acronym. From Superman, the looks where he appears to be well shaven and a close shot to show how cute he is. From Hancock, the train stopping scene and sudden plunging into the air. From our very own Robot, the train hopping scene. The story neither says anything about his powers nor what he is capable of doing. It just explains a complex method to kill the villain with keeping the HART inside. A much more research was surely needed to pull off a story of this kind.

Not only writing, the music was very mediocre. Two tracks except dildara and bhare naina, all were very ordinary. I don’t care much about the songs in the album but a good background score always turns me on and the script as well . Where the theme score of G-One sounded like RD Burman’s intro of duniya me logo ko was a total fail for me. The background score was not at all synced with the story whatsoever.

Director Anubhav Sinha tried to make the film as classy as possible putting in some great foreign location, more and more FX to build a movie which is out of the league. But little he realised that the writing team he had was the actual cause of the fall. When you present a movie of this kind, you should at least make your narrative simpler and use less technical jargons while putting illogical technical theories of the birth of a super-villain and a super-hero. I know getting bitten by a radioactive spider is not logical either but look at the way they had introduced the story that even a five grader will understand. Forget the west, even Krishh which was a massive hit because it was kept simpler but at the same time was strong with its script.

The movie was a home production of Sharukh so he kept it that way. He wanted to be everything. A multi-dimensional game developer, a failed dad, a charming lover and lastly for which the movie speaks a Superhero. Putting his Kal ho na ho arm stretching stance in the scenes which kept me thinking, WHY? His acting was average. Nothing compared to his grand cinemas like Chak de India and Swades. Whereas Arjun Rampal gave a phenomenal performance being a villain. A good casting I would say. Kareena mostly killed it with her smoking hot persona with a brief stunning performance when she gets transformed into a pseudo bad character. Newcomer child artist Armaan was not bad being a first timer.

The movie still floats only and only for its FX and nothing else.As I have seen it in 3D, can say that it is the best 3D Bollywood movie so far and can be comparable to any good Hollywood film. There were pretty decorous scenes which were well shot and picturised, gives you a feel that you are watching a movie budgeting 180+ crore.The car chase scene and the coming down of VT station were done very precisely. The editing was good but could have been sharper. There is a brief scene of Chitti from Robot as a tribute to the Superstar Rajnikanth. The voiceover of Amitabh Bacchan sounded very apt. The intro dream sequence with Priyanka (desi girl) and Sanjay Dutt (Khalnayak) could have been better.

Overall the movie has some feel good scenes .Though it mostly speaks of Sharukh’s arrogance which was evident from the film itself. A not so consistent story along with confound writing. After putting a whopping 180 crore on a movie it shouldn’t have ended in just another home movie which is only worthy for a singular watch. Nevertheless one should always encourage his attempt in breaking the age old special effects and looking beyond for some high end VFX which is here to stay in bollywood for sure.The movie is a one time watch because at the end of the day you just cant resist a movie of this class no matter how badly it is penned.

And Shaktiman still remains my favourite SUPERHERO...

The Gang of American Colony- Bedant's gun & the Pandu ghat

Disclaimer: This story is a work of fiction and any relevance to anyone is purely coincidental.

Chapter III

On their way back to American Colony, only one thing lingered inside their minds, “He will bloody kill you, all of you! Me, Fensghu and Abhijeet also. Everyone!” Did Shreya mean it? The trio were baffled. “Kya soch raha hai bey Bihari?” asked Prince, to which Bihari replied, rather disgustingly.

“Humko latrine laga bey baal, yeh TREKKER bahut dheere chal raha hai.” he looked tensed.

“Oye Bihari, darr humko bhi lag raha hai, par dekh bhai, pant mein matt karna bey” said Roy seriously.

The trio decided not to go back home until they decide on a concrete strategy on how to move forward with this already mind-fucked case. It was 11 PM, half of American colony was asleep and the other half was watching ‘ETV Bangla’, including Roy’s parents.

“Shotti koi? Darr to humko bhi thoda lag raha hai, lekin jab case liya hai to piche nahi hatt sakta, kya bolta hai Roy?” Asked Prince.

“Bechari Shreya,itna sundar ladki ko kaun marega, uska mann kaise Karta hai rey?” Asked Roy.

“Maaka shreya re chaar, tumko ko bhi wo marega.” Bihari shouted from inside the loo.

“Ladho mat saalo, Bedant ko call karo.” said Prince.

“Paagal ho gaya kya? Usko kyu call karega bey? hum nahi karega!” said a terrified Roy.

“Haan baal woh tumko phone mein ghuske marega toh, ro hum karta hai.” Said Bihari, as he came out holding a stained bucket.

Bihari called Bedant and very calmly told him that they have a lead in the case and regarding that they wanted to meet him, without mentioning anything about the incident that happened at the club.

“Woh apna ghar mein bula raha hai bey, I said we will come.” said Bihari.

“Pagol niki?? Hum nahi jayega. Goli maar diya toh?” Said Roy.

“Mat jao baal tum. Saala fattu. Detective bhi banna aur gaand bhi fatt ta hai” Said Bihari angrily.

“Janos ekta kotha, Fear is temporary, Pride is forever.” Said prince.

“Hoisey, chance milne se hi dealing deta hai yeh, usko yahaan kyu nahi bulaya? Kyu jayega hum log uske ghar, kyu?” Said a hyper Roy.

Roy gave in, he had no choice, the trio reached Uzan bazaar, they carried a bottle of pepper spray and had decided that if they feel anything suspicious they will spray it on Bedant and run for their lives.

“Sir asey ney?” enquired Prince. The door of Bedant’s 1BHK apartment was open. The trio could spot guitar cables, amps, processors, a drum pedal. Sure the room looked like a rock artist’s messed up night fall.

“Ki pocha gondho!” said Roy covering his nose.

They heard the strumming of acoustic guitar from the bedroom.

“Saarrrr!!” shouted Roy from the top of his voice. Bihari and Prince passed a ‘what-the-heck-happened-to-him’ glance.

“Marenge toh saath marenge, baal! prince tui amaar best friend cheeli bey, love you baal and Bihari I love you too, magar tum thoda paaka hai bey.” hurriedly said a super nervous Roy, whose legs had started shaking.

"Chup thaak bey, please!" said an equally nervous Bihari.

“Oii bhitorot aa.” ordered Bedant.

“Joi Maa kali” said Roy, gulping down his fear and holding Prince and Bihari’s hand.

“Calm down, remember fear is temporary...” Prince couldn’t complete.

“Bhakk baal!!!” shouted Bihari.

The trio entered the room. Unwashed sport socks, clothes on the floor that hadn’t been worn in ages, wafer packets, an unfinished red bull can which was stinking like an expired cough syrup, scattered cds, and a GUN!!!

The trio spotted the gun together, and exchanged a ‘Spray-THU-hai-na?’ glance.

“Oii ki sai aaso bey?” Bedant Charged Roy.

“Sir aise hi maney thoda....oi bolo Bihari kya dekh raha tha tum. Bolo? Hain naughty? Sir won’t mind.” said Roy, Prince and Bihari were convinced that Roy had smoked pot.

“We were watching the gun, beautiful it is, which made sir?” continued Roy.

Smart move indeed.

“Ha Ha, isn’t it sexy? It’s a .44 magnum. I am going to kill you guys with it...GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU!” said Bedant and started laughing loudly.

“Sir is so funny, isn’t it prince, joke maarise ne sir?” said Bihari as he became more nervous.

“I am not joking you fools, tell me why you came here, you got to know about that Abhijeet? Where does he stay? Shoot kori dim taak, kela!” said Bedant turning violent.

“You know about Abhijeet?” asked prince, he wanted to take command. They have had enough.

“Yes, I do. You have a problem with that?” replied Bedant

“Yes, I have a problem with that, why didn’t you tell us about him earlier? I want to know.” asked Prince confidently.

“Look kid, I just know that she is with him, and she is not safe with him, I just want Shreya to be safe. He is a dangerous Man.” replied Bedant.

Hearing this Bihari jumped across Bedant’s Bed and quickly grabbed the gun before anyone could figure out what is happening.

“Baal bahut ho gaya natak, she is saying you are dangerous, you are saying, Abhijeet is dangerous, I will tell you who is dangerous?” asked Bihari holding the gun.


“Who?” replied a rather calm Bedant.

“We baal! And mind you billa we are NOT kids, never call my friend a kid again, otherwise I will shoot your mouth off! Now tell us everything. ” demanded Bihari, still pointing the gun towards Bedant.

“Usme goli nahi hai, relax! Sit down!” said and smiled Bedant.

“Oh!” exclaimed Bihari, looking inside the nozzle of the empty gun.

‘Kya Thaassi khaya bey!’ thought Roy smirking.

“There is no point of being angry with me; Shreya is madly in love with that criminal. He has brain washed her. And I also know she met you. She was mad at me because I contacted you.” explained Bedant.

“Criminal?” asked Prince.

“Yes, a criminal, he smuggles drugs, mainly cocaine into Guwahati. Shreya has also become an addict, I want to save her, rescue her from the hands of that monster, he is using her.” Said Bedant, as he broke down and started crying.

The trio was amazed to see the tough Bedant weeping like a 4 year old.

“A big consignment is going to arrive tomorrow night at PANDU GHAT; Abhijeet is surely going to be there and may be even Shreya.” Said Bedant, controlling his emotions.

“Why don’t you inform the police?” asked Prince.

“I can’t. Shreya is involved. I want you guys to go there and somehow take that package and run away, I will pay you anything. Abhijeet will definetly come looking for you, and then we will call the police. ” said Bedant.

A crying Bedant, a beautiful Shreya in despair and a lofty sum of money was sufficient for them to say yes to Bedant’s risky plan. Next night they were at the infamous Pandu Ghat. It was 12:15 AM.

Pandu Ghat, was a notorious little bank, beside the mighty Brahmaputra. It was just a 5 minutes’ walk from American Colony. Though extremely dirty and neglected by the Government, it was still somehow thriving because of all the illegal trade. Oil, antiques, tea, poached items etc, illegally made their way in and out of Guwahati via Pandu Ghaat.
It was pitch dark and there was not a single living soul at the Ghat.

“Oi hum mazaak nahi kar raha hai, but hum suna hai ki yahaan bhoot woot hota hai bey.” said Roy.

“Oye please Roy, Shut up yaar. They will come here any moment.” Replied Prince.

Almost an hour had passed, and there was no sign of any consignment, Bihari was tensed as he took out one joint from of his shirt’s pocket and just when he was about to lit it, they saw a light approaching the bank.

“Baal, kuch aa raha hai bey, seems like a boat. maaka, itna chota boat?” said Bihari puffing out the smoke.

"Ya, so that no one doubts. hey use these small fishermen from nearby villages." explained Prince.

“Who will come to collect it? Nouka toh pahuch gaya.” Asked Roy.

There were two almost naked boaters, may be fishermen who came with a bag in a small wooden boat. They dropped off the bag at the bank and rushed off.

“Abbey yeh to bina signal ka hi maal daal diya, 3 baar torch on-off, fata note, kuch bhi nai kiya. Kaun aayega isko lene?” Said Roy.

“Tera naam ka.....Shala yaha pein filam ka shooting ho raha hai,laath khayega tum?” Replied Bihari

“Thik hai jhagdo mat, hum jaake uthaye? Koi nahi dikh raha hai, it’s a good chance.” said Prince.

“How do we know, it’s the same bag? Kisi aur ka hua toh?” questioned Roy.

“Teeno saath chalte hai!” suggested Bihari.

The trio moved towards the bag, slowly walking and keeping a watch at their surroundings.

“Sach mein cocaine hai kya bey baal? Let just take it and give it to police, Bhaad mein jaaye Shreya, Bedant...” said Roy as he saw Prince slowly moving his hand towards the bag, but before he could lay his hands on it, they heard a familiar noise.

It was a Siren!

“Ambulance?? Itna raat ko?” asked Roy.

“Prince, just pick it up and run and ensure its safe, Roy you come with me, POLICE aa gaya baal!” said Bihari with horrific calmness.

Prince picked up the bag and ran at the opposite direction. Bihari and Roy also ran, they were spotted by the Police jeep and were followed; it did not take the old police jeep from the nearby Jhalukbari Thana much time to catch the two. That is when Bihari whispered into Roy’s ear.

“Mera 1st time hai thana mein, tera?”

Prince knew that the policemen did not see him, but he was worried for his two friends and more than that he was tensed about the 2 kgs of cocaine he was holding. He had to hide it safely. As he reached the residential area, he saw a bike approaching him in full speed. A biker doing stunts at 1 AM was not a common site. He held the bag tightly. The biker was rushing towards him as if he was going to hit him.

The biker crossed Prince, through the helmet only his eyes were visible, they looked familiar. He had a huge built. Prince turned back to see if the biker had gone. NO, he had stopped and was turning the bike, which is when Prince started running. The biker rushed to hit Prince with the bike, he was badly hurt.

Prince limped and tried to chase him as he snatched the bag from him and flew away. The tail light of his bike vanished slowly into the dark alley.

Who was that biker? How did he know about the gang being there? What will happen to Bihari and Roy at the police station? Stay tuned and keep visiting this blog space as the mystery unfolds in the coming chapters.

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We would like to thank everyone who painstakingly read the initial drafts and suggested us essential changes.

Sketches By- Shubhadeep Sengupta

Written By- Varun Varghese & Shubhadeep Sengupta

You can also read this story here

The Gang of American Colony- Disco 82

Disclaimer: This story is a work of fiction and any relevance to anyone is purely coincidental

Chapter II

The Gang got their first case and more importantly 3000 bucks. Bihari wanted to go to a bar but Prince suggested that they rather save it and use it for the investigation. Eventually they went back to their respective homes, which happened to be just adjacent to one another, typical Railway colonies, and decided to meet the next morning. That night, Prince and Roy chatted on Facebook.

Roy: Oye, Apoorva has accptd Ur frnd req wow! Congrates..

Prince: No, it’s me who accepted her req ok! And it’s not congratEs baal, Gujarati hai kya tum??

Roy: bhakk maksai, then y hv u written on her wall, “thanx for adding, bdw Ur profile pic is really nice”

Prince: brb, smone calling..

Roy: its ok, I understand! Abbey ek baat bol to…ladki ke saath chat karo toh ‘hehehehe’ karke hasna chaiye ya ‘hahahahaha’ karke?

Prince: ‘LOL’ maar de baal..

Roy: hmm…ok!

Prince: have you thought anything about the case?

Roy: What case baal?

Prince: Maaka the case we got today, how will we move fwd with it. Try to find out where she lives, spy on her, stalk her…baal kuch to karna padega!

Roy: Ya I have sent her a fraansdhip request :P

Prince: What? Baal tum mental hai kya? She should not know that we are spying on her! Billa humara company start hone ke pehle khatam kar diya tum.

Roy: Kya hua bey? Itna bada case ho gya kya? Usko toh bahut friendship request aata hoga ek din mein! Oye pls Bihari ko mat bolna bey.

Prince: I don’t know yaar. Agar info nikaalna hi tha through fb then it shld hv been me who shld hv talked to her…tujhe ghanta bhi kuch aata hai..

Roy: Oye Prince……bhai she accepted my frnd req bey, and she is online now!

Next morning they met as planned, Bihari had no idea about the chat between the other two. “Let’s order pizza bey, pizza kha kha ke sochega hum” said a hungry Bihari. Prince took out his phone to make the order, but before he could make his call the phone rang, it was an unknown no.! Prince received the call.

“Hello! Hard hit agency? Can I speak to Amritangshu?” the guy said in a very ‘call-centre’ accent.

“Amritangshu? There is no….” said prince but before he could complete, Bihari interrupted!

“Oye Baal amaar naam bey Amritangshu, kaun hai yeh nice man, phone do humko.”

‘Amritangshu’ took the phone from prince and said “Hello, yes Amritangshu here! Who is it?”

“aee petla, humko pehchana?” asked the unknown voice. “Nahi bey, kaun hai bhai tum?” replied Bihari blankly. “Fengshu bey baal, remember?” replied the man, “Kaun Fensgshu bey?” asked Bihari. “Abey Debanjan bey, bhool gaya humko? I was with you in school, my stage name is Fengshu, DJ Fengshu, suna toh hoga hi, and these days I play in Club Zero.”

Debanjan a.k.a DJ Fengshu was Bihari’s classmate in school, no one expected him to become what he is today. A below average performer in school and college, decided to ‘burn the dance floor’! He used to work as a part-time-make-shift DJ at the newly opened discotheques in Guwahati. More than the money it was the girls that gave him a high. His habit of wooing young school girls had brought him much trouble.

“Listen, it’s something important, kya tum log aaj mere club aa sakte ho?”requested Fengshu.

“Kya hua bey?” asked Bihari anxiously. Whatever Fengshu said after that took the gang by surprise, they were not expecting it. He said, “It’s about your case, it’s about Shreya Deb, I need to tell you something very important, please come to club zero tonight”. Bihari gave a grave look to the other two, Prince asked him to put the phone on loudspeaker, Bihari did that and asked Fengshu, “What about her?” Fengshu replied, “We can’t talk on phone. You guys have to come here; your life is in danger! Our lines may be tapped. I will text you the address, be there by 9. Shreya will be there too!” , saying that Fengshu cut the call.

No one spoke anything for the next 45 seconds, after that...

“ Joi Maa Kali!! Everything will be fine, we will ROCK it” Said an excited Roy.

“Oye! Sab ready hoke aana bey please, accha DRESS! pehanke”Pleaded Prince.

The gang took a city bus to club zero; city buses are the best way of transport inside Guwahati, “I have never been to a disco bey baal” confessed Bihari. “Will there be a lot of girls? Sab miniskirts pehenke aayega kya baal? I toh have even heard that discs mein ganja milta hai”, asked an excited Bihari. “Even I have never been to one”, said Roy keeping a hand on his shoulder, “You guys don’t worry, main hoon na.”, said Prince swinging the elbow behind his head, (Yes, Shahrukh was his favorite actor!).

Club zero was 5 minutes from the bus stand, situated in the heart of Guwahati city, was famous among students as it provided free entry for couples.

“You have membership?” asked one of the bouncers

M. Shankar his name plate said. He was tall and had a big body; he was Bihari, Roy and Prince in one.

“No we don’t. We came here on the invitation of the club DJ, Fengshu. Tell him that Amritangshu and his friends have come.” Prince said boldly.

“I don’t have to. You people are already on the guest list. This way sir.” Replied M. Shankar.

“ Dekha, kaise tackle kartey hai?” Proudly said Prince.

“Baal biceps ta deksosh, kya banaya bey!” said Roy to Bihari brushing off Prince.

The trio entered the disc. Dance floor-consoles-lights-drinks-girls. The gang had never seen such things; they were excited and uncomfortable at the same time. “Sir please be seated, Fengshu da will join you soon” said the waiter showing them the plush sofa. “Yey bey!! Ki chaaliya jagah!, Oye bihari, oi oi maal ta re dekh! Tere peeche!” Roy said pointing towards hot girls sitting behind Bihari on another sofa.

Prince was trying to look for Shreya, the reason they came here! They never expected her to contact them. Why did she call them? She was their case! Fengshu had even mentioned that their life was in danger. Was Fengshu Shreya’s new boyfriend? “Hi”, came a girl’s voice, it was a young teenage girl.

Prince wanted to reply to the girl, but he was sitting diametrically opposite to her and he had to shout to make her listen. Bihari replied “Hi” (had a big smile on his face). “You like emo?” asked the girl, “huh?” replied Bihari, he had no clue. “So, you don’t like emo? I also don’t like emo! I am more into Goth!” the girl told making faces. Bihari was staring at her, turned back and said in a very low voice “ki bey baal?” The girl was waiting for an answer, when she did not get any; she asked “will you buy me a drink?”

The conversation was interrupted by the ‘man of the house’, DJ Fengshu was here. Dressed in a simple round neck shirt and jeans, he wore his headphones around his neck. He welcomed the gang. Offered drinks.“Let’s talk business guys.”, said Fengshu. “Where is Shreya?” demanded Prince in a tone which Fengshu didn’t enjoy. He gave a hard stare to Prince, Prince did not deter, and he looked back straight into his eyes. “Ask your friend to calm down, I am just trying to help. He may not go back in a single piece if he gives me such stares. People love me here.” Bihari and Roy were shocked. 'He is not the Debanjan I knew', thought Bihari. Fengshu started to breathe faster; he was chanting 'shanti-shanti'. Slowly he moved his hand in air and shook his body hard. “This helps me calm down, do you do yoga Amritangshu?” Still shocked, seeing his childhood friend like this, Bihari replied in a very dull voice “No!”

“Ahaan! Here is the girl, wow you look stunning babe!” DJ Fengshu said completely ignoring Bihari’s No.

She was wearing a one-piece-single-strap-black-prom dress made up of 100% satin silk. Sexy-hot-beautiful-graceful, every word seemed to be an understatement. Her hair was let loose; the small red blob on her chin rather looked cute. 'The small pimple on her face is like a cherry on a cake, yummy!' thought Roy. They were dumbstruck.

“Someone was dancing really hard, huh?” asked Fengshu welcoming Shreya. The trio was still staring at her. She was looking gorgeous. She smelled good, Davidoff perhaps thought Prince. “Hey Shreya, this is Amritangshu, and they are his..umm… colleagues, ya Amritangshu?” said the rude-dude-of-the-night, to which Bihari replied “they are my friends”. The gang quickly exchanged a yeh-dosti-hum-nahi-todenge-aur-jo-bakwaas-karega-usko-phodenge glance. Prince was still looking at her when she caught him staring, she asked, “what’s your name?”

Silence, those were the 1^st words she spoke, she had a sensuous voice, hearing her felt like a drop of cold icy water on a bare back. Prince had already fallen for her. He replied “You don’t know my name?” to which Shreya laughed and said “No, I don’t. Fengshu had told, but I forgot.”

Fengshu-ki-maka-saki-naka thought Prince.

“How did you know about us, why did you call us here?” bombarded Bihari

“I read a message on Bedant’s phone, he is a maniac, and we are not together anymore. We broke up long back. But he still thinks us to be together.” Justified Shreya.

“She is with Abhijeet Da these days, Bedant doesn’t know.” explained Fengshu.

KLPD thought Prince, Roy asked “What are we supposed to do? Bedant is our client and he is paying us.”

“He is a maniac, you guys can’t revert, Bedant is a very dangerous guy. He is a bloody gunda. We will pay you double; just see that Abhijeet’s name doesn’t come in all this.” said Fengshu.

Did he say double? Thought the trio is unison. Ha!

“What will happen if we, us and you together just tell him. Sit calmly somewhere and tell him everything, he will understand. Aisa kya hi ho jayega?” asked Prince.

“He will bloody kill you, all of you! Me, Fensghu and Abhijeet also. Everyone!” Shreya leaned and whispered.

Who is this Abhijeet? Are Fengshu and Shreya lying? Will Prince be able to woo Shreya? Is Bedant being framed or is he actually that dangerous? Visit this blog space to find out, how these ‘friends’ proceed with the twisted case.

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We would like to thank everyone who painstakingly read the initial drafts and suggested us the essential changes.

Sketches By- Shubhadeep Sengupta.

Written By- Varun Varghese & Shubhadeep Sengupta.

You can also read this story here

The Gang of American Colony- The Beginning of Misadventures

Hard Shit Detective Agency:

Because truth shits harder than a mere doubt.

Contact: Princi- 75643-82345

“Hard shit? What the....Did u see what they printed? Baal dekha nahi tum?” Prince came running and shouting inside the 6X8 room holding a newspaper in his hand, where his friends Bihari and Roy were already reading the same article. Prince was convinced that it was a big blow to his charmer image. He did not want any girl on his ‘friend list’ to read it.

Prince was a self proclaimed Abhimanyu, in his case it was flirting that he thought he learnt when he was in his mummy’s tummy. Prince used to stay busy liking and commenting on girls’ photos and in free time he would give exams for the distant MBA program that he was pursuing from Sikkim Manipal University. Today he was wearing his favorite kurta over his ‘branded Levi’s’ jeans. He wanted his friends (girls on facebook) to know him as this modern guy who is an ethnic Bengali at heart.

“Ae ae Shuorer baccha!! Paisa tumhara baap diya tha? Matha gorom mat kar” Fought back Bihari baba. Originally born with the name of Amritangshu Bhattacherjee, was called Bihari baba for his mom who allegedly tried to elope with her Bihari doodhwala. Bihari, their fat betel chewing red teeth friend was a self proclaimed Bob Marley bhakt, grass was his staple diet and he wanted everyone to call him chota Marley but alas! There were stories and much speculation about what he was studying and what was his qualification. He told everyone that he had done engineering but there were rumors of him discontinuing school. Roy and prince never cared or asked him.

“Aur han billa, hamara naam prince hai princi nahi!, mera izzat maar diya tum!” Prince still holding the newspaper article in his hand and staring at it in shock!

“Next time we will publish in that magazine bey baal...jaha par gupt rogon ke visheshgya Dr. Gupta, kya aap apney yonsambhandic jiban se santusht hai jaise Ads aatey hai! Kya naam hai baal uss magazine ka? Maaka orom manusher-e detective agency beshi lagey. They can’t satisfy their women on bed and their women go on to have affairs with the doodhwala” Roy said, as he looked and gave a sly smile to Bihari

“Oi Roy last warning de raha hai…hamara maa ka bare mein kuch bola na joota khol ke maarega” replied Bihari.

“I say use fb” interrupted Prince.

“ef bee??” enquired Roy.

“Baal facebook!! Fb nahi janta hai yeh . Shala blue film ko BF bolta hai yeh janta hai but facebook ko Fb bolta yeh nahi janta hai yeh Billa” said Bihari still angry with him for his doodhwala comment.

“Samjha! Dealing mat do. What is your plan?” asked Roy.

The old garage at Roy’s house in American colony was made the office of their newly opened detective agency. They had named it ‘hard hit detective agency’. The garage was creaky and had big patches on the faded green walls. Mr. Roy, father of Chiranjit Roy was more than happy to give his unused garage to his only son, who was pretty wasted for almost a year without job after his BBA degree from Bangalore. Roy born with rather no ambition was brought up by enthusiastic Bengali parents who sent him for every kind of coaching ranging from Tabla to Cricket, from singing to art classes; sadly Roy was no good with anything. For the agency also he volunteered half heartedly.

“So we will make a page on FB mane like most of the famous people. We will share videos, pictures, notes etc for our page’s promotion and in this way we can reach to a maximum number of customers.” Clarified Bihari.

“Idea ta tamam bey. How are you still unemployed?” said Prince, congratulating Bihari

“Shob kismot bujli..shob kismot! Nahi toh mera jaisa boy who is so versatile in every damn thing is still unemployed.” Loftily said Bihari.

“Anyone Home?” They heard a voice, soon they saw a figure emerging, and he looked as if he were coming straight from a rock concert on VH1, which Bihari used to watch regularly.

“Oye Prince, customer bey!” Whispered Roy in disbelief

“Hey! Are you guys spies?? Like real professional spies??” asked Bedant pointing a finger at the trio.

Bedant, came in wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt and a ¾ quarter pant. His long locks made him look grungy as if he hasn’t taken bath for quite some time.

The trio jumped from their places in excitement and Prince said “yes sir we are private detectives, the most professional private detectives in town. We investigate everything from a lost pin to a lost girlfriend. Everything sir! What do you want us to find for you??” There was silence inside the room, Bedant looked sad and was not replying, Bihari interrupted “Sir, chai khaabo sir?”

“I want peace, can you guys find that for me?” Bedant replied adjusting his long locks, the trio from American colony had no idea what to say, they had read a lot of Sherlock Holmes, Feluda and Byomkesh Bakshi before starting the agency but no book was helping them now but still Roy replied “We will sir, tell us what happened?”

“My girl I believe is having a relationship with someone else” said Bedant looking lost and staring the ugly patches on the wall. “Sir, we are planning to paint it this puja, you are married sir?” asked Roy.

“Gadho neki bey kela toi? Tema Gorom nokor” fired back Bedant.

“Sir, please don’t heed to him. He is new in the agency. Do you have her latest photo?” asked Prince trying to pacify. “Yeah I have.” Bedant said as he reached for the photo in his wallet and handed over it to Prince.

“Sir, we need you to fill up this form, just a formality.” Asked Prince.

“I read in the newspaper that you guys charge 3000 and 1000 as advance, here is 3000” Bedant throwing a bundle of notes on to the table, “I will give you another 5,000, just get me a photo of that whore with her new boy friend.” Bedant said rubbing his nose. The trio exchanged happy glances, 3000/- was a big sum of money for them; it meant a month long supply of Alcohol, weed (for Bihari) and pork momos. It meant now they can finally edit the ‘works at’ section on their facebook profiles. Bedant stood up to leave just when Prince interrupted “Sir, it’s not shit its hit! The Ad…..”

“Janu bey baal, doesn’t matter just get me something ok, kiba solid aanibi!” demanded Bedant.

“Yes sir”, the trio replied in unison.

Bedant left and the trio looked at the photo of the girl, Roy was quick to comment “hot maal kintu?” to which Bihari replied “Oye billa be professional! Bring the form”. The trio read the form to discover that Bedant was the lead guitarist of a local rock band called 'Bicycle Stand' in Guwahati and was dating Shreya Deb for the last 6 years. That meant she was in High school when they started going out. The form also stated that Shreya was a lunatic and also showed signs of split personality and that she was under the medical supervision of her family psychiatrist (whatever that meant).

“We can’t just trust what Bedant says, she looks like a you know a good girl, a nice girl” prince said and hoped the other two will agree, instead Bihari replied “Don’t jump on conclusions, let us just start our investigation and have zero pre-notion about anyone, tu kya bolta hai Roy?” to which Roy replied, still looking at her photo “ki maal bey!”

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Visit this blog space to find out how the dumb trio proceeds with the case, is the girl guilty? Or is Bedant lying? Or will our heroes fall for the pretty Shreya. Be with our American Colony heroes as they embark on this journey filled with twists and turns.

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We would like to thank everyone who painstakingly read the initial drafts and suggested us essential changes.

Sketches By- Shubhadeep Sengupta

Written By- Varun Varghese & Shubhadeep Sengupta

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